“Blaming the wolf would not help the sheep much. The sheep must learn not to fall in the clutches of the wolf.” – Mahatma Gandhi.
Let’s be honest. Preppers tend to be distrustful of others. Suspicion and threat assessment is part of being well-prepared, so it probably comes to us naturally. Still, your odds of surviving on your own are not as good as your odds of surviving when you’re part of a group. Survival in a prolonged grid-down situation will require individuals to rely upon others and understand teamwork. I frequently receive emails from individuals asking how to find prepper groups in their area they can trust. That’s a valid concern. This community is very skeptical of others and their motives. The prepping community also runs the gambit from the outdoorsman to folks with well-supplied pantries to secluded, off-grid bunker dwellers. So with that wide range of folks, how do you find like-minded people, and how do you know you can trust them? How do you build your own unofficial or official mutual assistance group?
In this blog, I will examine ways to connect with and cultivate like-minded individuals you can partner with when disaster strikes. I will also cover the basic signs you can look for to tell if you can trust the person or not. While trust given can always be betrayed, there are certain things to look for in an individual that can help you determine if they can be trusted or not.
While this video covers the issue of knowing whom to trust after SHTF, it is critical to develop relationships with others you can rely upon while times are good. After a potential, prolonged grid-down scenario, finding those that you can trust will become exponentially more difficult, so it is important that you start now.
But what are the traits you should look for both before and after an SHTF situation? Over the years, psychologists and behaviorists have developed several signs to look for that are the hallmark of a trustworthy person. That is not to say that a nefarious person can’t spoof these signs, and it is essential to note that a genuine, trustworthy person will have multiple signs for you to confirm. While you may never truly know if someone is acting genuinely or they are a sociopath manipulating you by appearing and acting trustworthy, the fact remains that most people can’t be bothered maintaining a facade of genuineness if they truly aren’t. There are easier targets. You can look for these simple traits in a person to get a gauge on if they can be trusted or not.
GRATITUDE
CONFIDENCE
CONSISTENCY
WORD-OF-MOUTH
COMPASSION
RELAXED
SHARED EXPERIENCE
COMMUNICATOR
LEARNERS
SHARING
HELPERS
Trust is given in an instance, and it is betrayed just as fast. All of those signs and indicators to look for best serve you when they can be assessed over time. But what do you do when you can’t get a gauge of those traits in a time of desperation? Survival in a prolonged grid-down situation will require individuals to rely upon others and understand teamwork.
I frequently get emailed by individuals asking how to find prepper groups in their area they can trust. This is a valid concern for sure. Our community is very skeptical of others and their motives. The first people you can trust after an SHTF situation are those with whom you have built relations already. You might not have a formal communal bug-out location and community. You may not even have people who call themselves preppers. If you cultivate it, though, you have interest groups, like-minded friends, and family members. Is your city offering a seminar on disaster preparedness? Attend it and make a friend now. Is there a class being offered in a skill you would like to know? Take it and have that shared experience with someone. It is a far more reliable trust if it has been developed over a long period and never betrayed than if it is a trust in the exact moment a survival decision needs to be made.
But, if you find yourself needing to trust someone, ask yourself what you need and what they need. Are they bringing anything into your inner circle at present or in the future? They may be empty-handed and desperate now, but perhaps they offer some future value. Since you are trying to build a trusting relationship from the start, you will have to provide any assistance or accept any help with the same selflessness that is the earmark of a trustworthy person. However, you can remain cautious and skeptical until you see the true nature of the other person. Sometimes a person offers nothing, but they’re teachable, and they seem genuinely vested in helping. If that’s the case, trusting them a little now might turn into a lot later.
After a grid-down situation, be wary of people who seem mentally unstable, to begin with. They aren’t level-headed in their thinking, and their erratic nature can put you in harm’s way. Be wary, too, of people who are soliciting your assistance to do harm or raid others. This person sees others as resources, and that means they see you as a resource too. If they stole from others, they would steal from you in a heartbeat. If someone comes to you to share something they have stolen by looting a store, that is a resource they bring, but you shouldn’t take it. They’ll rob you next.
Be wary of trusting people who didn’t heed the call to prepare when you encouraged them to do so. This person might be someone you can trust a little, but they didn’t listen the first time, so they play their survival by ear. That means if they saw taking from you as the next logical step for their survival, they very well might. Can we all be ignorant of realities sometimes? Sure, but if you’ve had a hundred conversations with someone and they still failed to do anything, they will be of little use and not very trustworthy when the world falls apart.
If the person is a total stranger to you, you can still gauge their trustworthiness by assessing how much of yourself you see in them. If they don’t absolutely need you for their survival, but they are looking to trade something of theirs for something you might have, apply the rules of bartering I cover in my video on that subject. I will link to that in the comments below. Essentially, never reveal the extent of your supplies and look for a fair exchange. As you build a trusting trade relationship over time, you might also be building a trusting relationship. Be wary, though, of a person whose sole purpose is to wheel and deal. This type of person can’t be trusted because they aren’t looking to build a relationship. They are looking to turn a profit. You are a commodity to be exploited in that lopsided relationship.
Finally, even in the time-compressed period of a disaster and its aftermath, build trust incrementally with people. Trust them a little before you trust them a lot. You wouldn’t hand someone you don’t know the keys to your house or a loaded gun, so don’t be that open after SHTF either. Maybe you feed a person, so they don’t die. Do they come to you for their next meal or inquire about the extent of your stored supplies, or do they, with a clear head, offer to go somewhere they know a resource is and bring some back for you in exchange for a little more? Do they offer to help you in some way without asking you to enter your safe home? Do they respect your boundaries and let you know that they respect your boundaries through their words and actions? If so, you can trust them a little more. Think of trust like a rope. With each trustworthy action, you might give them a little more slack, but if they exhibit a sign that they cannot be trusted, you will want to pull your rope back and consider cutting ties.
Conclusion
I am sure you have heard the old Italian Proverb, ‘He that deceives me once, it is his fault; but if twice, it is my fault.’ When evaluating the trustworthiness of an individual, you have to keep that constantly in mind. Question a person’s motives and actions until you feel that you don’t have to anymore–that you share enough common ground and trust with each other. The fact is that surviving entirely on your own after an SHTF situation is an arduous and lonely path. Your odds of survival increase dramatically as part of an even loosely networked group. Building trusting relationships now, over time, will provide you confidence that the relationship will also be one you can trust in a grid-down situation. If you know nothing about the person, you can still look for the signs of trustworthiness. Balance your sense of compassion with your limits. Of course, your and your family’s or group’s survival is of the utmost importance, but your chances of long-term survival increase when you spend the time now to form trusting bonds with others.
What do you think? How do you know when you can breathe easily and trust someone? What’s your telltale sign or test to determine that someone is worthy of trust?
As always, please stay safe out there.